you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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