i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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