I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
