So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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