i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
