he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
