it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
