I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
