Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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