i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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