i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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