they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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