moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
