Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
