Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
