It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize