My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
