I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Your cock deserves a montage
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
