I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My ass is underappreciated
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
