I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
