new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
