he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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