after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We need a shit load of segways right now
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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