this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
