Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
