My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
