Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
