if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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