and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
