therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
