I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
