East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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