is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
