So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
