I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
