So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
