Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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