Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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