I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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