Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
