I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
