Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
