I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
