i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
