Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize