Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize