Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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