Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
