If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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