remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize