i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
