Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
