I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
