ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.

  Fav 10 2928 837

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?

  Fav 9 2885 886

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (813): View more from Florida

  He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

  Fav 56 1894 6424

  share tweet
  

• (816): View more from Missouri

  He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.

  Fav 37 16402 1542

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.

  Fav 5 2195 1067

  share tweet
  

• (661): View more from California

  God gave him joint rollers for hands

  Fav 10 3403 1332

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (404): View more from Georgia

  It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.

  Fav 5 2531 1368

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.

  Fav 13 1550 788

  share tweet
  

• (514): View more from Quebec

  It's a drunk scavenger hunt.

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.

  Fav 2 1303 615

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.

  Fav 4 1269 599

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.

  Fav 1 701 510

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (585): View more from New York

  yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong

  Fav 4 884 536

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.

  Fav 0 211 349

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.

  Fav 0 42 4

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (256): View more from Alabama

  I don’t understand his energy

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  What? Nice? Lmao

  Fav 0 45 18

  share tweet
  

Randomize