need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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