if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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