just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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