I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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