I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
