Sponge bath it is.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize