happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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