We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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