the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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