On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
