I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
