I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
