UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
