at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize