yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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