i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
