I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
