hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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