Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
