My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
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