Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
